Which I'd better do right quick.Talk about an adrenalin overdose!Oh, and do not try this at home. I'm a trained professional screwball on a closed course.My mind was racing like a squirrel in a cage while Mrs. Devers welcomed the spectators and various dignitaries. I bet if she knew I was about to give a speech I didn't have she would have peed in her pants.Which would be more embarrassing, I wondered -- wetting one's pants or peeing in the nude, the golden flow sparkling in the sun for all to see.Desperately I dragged my thoughts back to what I could say. Devers had given me suggestions, of course, most strongly about what NOT to say -- that is, anything that might in any way rake up memories of our recently departed, unlamented and perverted Program Supervisor, AKA the Worm.Others had chimed in with their own suggestions. The Chairman of the Board of Education had even taken the trouble to write a speech for me. He must have flunked public speaking, if he'd ever taken the class. It. You will be lucky to get 16 hours of community service every weekend. [Two seconds of silence] For two years. And just to help you worry, that’s two weeks plus just for a bail hearing. Your parents will be notified. They will hear the tape and then decide if they want to visit your sorry asses in jail.”Handcuffs on and the pair had to wait for a police van to take them away. I’m told that they went together and plotted revenge with the cop car recording their nefarious plots. When they were interviewed separately they each heard both recordings. At this point, Matt wet his pants. Serves him right.Matt’s parents came to visit on Saturday. No nice interview rooms like you see on TV. They were given folding chairs and had to sit at least 120cm from the bars. They could see Matt and Bill and two other miscreants through jail cell bars. Their parents likely forgot, or failed to read the sign saying, that conversions in the jail were likely to be recorded. Bill’s parents were so pissed.
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